Beginnings are always nicer, with an outburst of emotion, a passion for love, a flap of butterflies in the stomach as the English expression says, and everything that makes us see the world through a "pink love" perspective that makes the world clear without problems. Feelings overshadow the threshold that blinds us to those small things that poison a relationship and make it a source of abuse. Relationships evolve over time, maturing and changing as a product of the evolution and change of the characters of their limbs, and as a result of their rapprochement over time, qualities may not have been observed at first, which can sometimes erode the relationship, poisoning it, eating it the tender from the inside while looking perfect from the outside, and only from the outside.
Healthy human relations are based on respect, mutual admiration, mutual care, and the ability to share decisions. In short, they are a common desire for happiness. It is a safe relationship in which we can fearlessly be our own, and feel comfortable and secure, while toxic relationships are characterized by insecurity, self-centeredness, and attempts to dominate and dominate one another. While you can clearly discern signs of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, where you can discern lying, betrayal, and emotional deprivation, sometimes it is difficult to discern a toxic relationship.
What is the toxic relationship and how does it arise?
Toxic relationships are characterized by a frequent and hurtful pattern of behavior between the parties, which may include lethal jealousy or exploitation, a desire for dominance, selfishness, and rejection. While a healthy relationship plays an active role in supporting one's self-confidence and enhancing one's emotional energy, toxic relationships on the contrary destroy one's self-confidence and absorb one's energy. While any relationship involves a struggle for control, especially at the beginning of the association, we are mistaken and fight, as no relationship can be described as "perfect." In this context, and in more precise detail, a toxic relationship can be defined and characterized by repetition and continuity, so that the toxic behavior of the relationship becomes a prevailing pattern, not an exception. Toxic relations are also characterized by the existence of a single party seeking to impose its absolute control, which manifests itself through very clear methods, or in symbolic formats unclear to the second party.
Poor self-confidence is one of the key pillars that produce multiple forms of toxic relationships and not just one side but the other, where we often have in mind a presumption based on the fact that the party seeking control is the narcissistic party enjoying trust. But this narcissism can actually hide a deeper level of shaking trust and insecurity, This may lead many to try to compensate for this lack of control over the partner. The important thing here, which needs a lot of consideration, is that several individuals are attracted to acquire or enter into such a pattern of toxic relationships. especially if their upbringing was formed in a toxic environment full of harm, violence, and negative feelings, They lose the ability to discern violence and abuse and unconsciously transform individuals who practice patterns of toxic behavior that they are accustomed to and knowledge of.
Why don't we leave toxic relationships easily?
In such relationships, what Robert Firestone, a professor of psychology, called a "fantasy association" to describe the illusion of emerging communication between two people, which helps alleviate their individual concerns by forming a false sense of association. This type of association turns into a totally poisoned situation, in which a sense of love and support is replaced by a desire to integrate and melt identities, a loss of independence, each seeking safety in the illusion of integration, or the exercise of a parent's or father's role in the relationship through the illusion of protection and care. The ability of individuals in such relationships to deceive themselves enables them to retain proximity and intimacy, thereby closing their eyes to the fact that the relationship lacks genuine emotional commitment and genuine companionship.
Most popular toxic relationship patterns
Here are some of the most prevalent toxic patterns of behavior, bearing in mind that the existence of one does not negate the other's existence, as these patterns are often overlapping and contiguous:
- Cynicism, disregard, and disparagement of the other person
In this pattern, one party deliberately mocks the other party continuously, diminishes its views and ideas, demeans it, and embarrasses it in front of others. And if you ask him to stop it, he'll often tell you he's kidding and he'll accuse you of not having a sense of humor. If this behavior persists for a long time, the sense of distrust in your decisions and opinions may start to leak to you, until you believe what he says.
- Speed of anger, emotion, and unexpected reactions
Some people are unpredictable about what can ignite their anger, you feel with them that you are walking over eggshells, where you cannot be yourself, and passing everything you say or do becomes strictly controlled for fear of anger from the other side, which affects your emotional and physical health and makes you avoid expressing your feelings and thoughts for fear of anger and irritation. If you blame him for his emotions, he will often accuse you of being the cause of his anger and emotion, and this irritable, irritable face rarely appears to the outside world, this person often appears in front of others with a gentle appearance and creature that everyone loves.
- Spreading guilt
This person works to control the other party's decisions by notifying him of guilt and omission despite his apparent false support for these decisions. For example, the wife decides to return to work, to be supported ostensibly by the husband, and encourages her to return to work, but he does not stop making references to her failure in her duties to him or to the home the children. This person is good at catching mistakes, we all make mistakes, but what poisons the relationship is that one side trolls the other side's mistakes and exploits them to make him feel guilty, so you feel with him walking in a forest full of traps that troll your mistakes and weave a spider web that wraps them around you and traps you.
- Overreaction/blame
These are two overlapping patterns, the former overreacting when blamed and plunging into anger, sadness, and frustration, while the other side finds itself calming rather than discussing the main problem. The second pattern will flip the counter and turn the papers. If you encounter it with a problem or something that angers you, you will find it. You will turn things around to end up trying to benefit it and apologize to it. Both patterns do not allow you to express yourself, you may even end up feeling wrong about the other side, and you certainly fancy the main problem you wanted to discuss in the first place.
- Accredited Partner
If one party in the relationship depends on the other party to make all decisions, this may be one of the hidden means of control, this type of partner holds you responsible for all decisions, from the restaurant where you will eat dinner and the end of all fateful decisions. In contrast, he would deal with aggression if it took a "wrong" decision from his point of view or did not suit him. Such relationships create a constant feeling of anxiety and stress as a result of your anxiety about making the wrong decisions as well as feeling drained and overwhelmed by your taking all the actions.
- Independent (non-committed)
Independence is certainly not a negative quality, but this person always raises his independence as an excuse for not being committed, and he is someone you cannot predict his actions, promises you and does not fulfill his commitments or promises, and when he hired him will raise the slogan "I will not allow you to control my life, I am a free and independent person." This type of relationship makes the other party in a permanent state of insecurity and instability, given its inability to predict the partner's actions or the extent of his emotional commitment to him. This will strongly affect your mental, emotional, and even physical health.
- Exploited
This person is nice as long as he takes what he wants from you, and the relationship with him is in one direction, in which one party makes time, effort, and sometimes money, with notice that what he does is not enough. If this person does something for you, he will often use it against you later if you refuse to do something he asks to make you feel guilty.
- Ownership/Suspicious
This partner traps the other side with insane jealousy, some may enjoy a sense of jealousy and consider it proof of love, but natural jealousy limits if you skip it will poison your life. This person grants himself the right to trap you and search your personal items and electronic accounts, traps you with doubts and questions, and works to isolate you from friends and some family members. It dictates what you do and doesn't do, which eliminates the balance of the relationship and deprives it of mutual respect.
- Lying and treason
To lie and betray the ability to dissolve the trust, lies accumulate a lie behind another, and every lie that hits her in the wall of trust that protects the relationship, and once again you are surprised by the wall's crash and collapse, making sure that when this moment comes the wall does not collapse on your head.
What's next? Is there hope?
Recognizing the signs of a toxic relationship is a vital and essential step, whether you decide to leave and get rid of the relationship or it's difficult and you can't get rid of it, just being aware of its existence will help you deal with it and not drain your energy. It must be noted that some of these signs may appear in all relationships from time to time, but this does not make the relationship toxic, what makes it toxic is continuity, stability, density, and damage. Any healthy relationship involves exerting effort, discipline, motivation, intention, and desire. If the relationship has already experienced a healthy climate, it may be possible to repair it with some effort. There are several questions you should ask yourself:
Will you endure the abuse and negativity involved in the relationship? Can you tolerate anxiety, stress, stress, and problems that engulf the relationship? What do you make of this relationship? How can you restore a healthy and happy relationship? And what are you going to have to sacrifice? Are you going to have to sacrifice your safety and security? How much does this affect those around you, your children, your partner, or others around you? Do you have the willingness to put in the time, effort, and patience needed to repair the relationship? Is your partner willing to do that in return?
It is worth noting that if the relationship is toxic from the outset and does not experience any healthy climate, unfortunately, the chance of success may be minimal. You will have to learn how to abandon the other side and survive yourself without any guilt or sorrow. (14) You may not be able to change your partner, but you can change the way you deal with his behaviors, and your reactions to them, you can confront the partner with the toxic behavior that bothers you, and ask him to stop him and declare that this behavior is no longer acceptable to you. It is important to realize within you that you deserve respect, love, and trust, that you deserve a healthy relationship, and that you are not a victim but can survive.
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